


Heartbreak and Aftermath Grief

by JediIlonaShepard



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Break Up, Drinking, F/M, Grief, Heartbreak, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 11:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6609205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JediIlonaShepard/pseuds/JediIlonaShepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seidra Shepard's encounter with Kaidan Alenko leaves her heartbroken and drinking herself to sleep.<br/><sub>© BioWare & Electronic Art/Microsoft</sub></p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbreak and Aftermath Grief

**_Horizon, Thursday, January, 13th 2185, 12:57 PM._ **

 

"No!" Delan yelled running after the huge ship which had blasted off into space. "Stop them! Don't let them get away!"

 

Commander Seidra Ilona Shepard felt helpless and guilty. She was supposed to save the colonist from the those insect-like beings know as the collectors.

 

But they got away with some.

 

"There's nothing we can do," She said. "They're gone."

 

"How could you let this happen? half the colony's in there!" He yelled. "They took Egan and Sam and... and Lilith! Do something!"

 

"I didn't want it to end this way." Seidra sadly replied. "I'm so sorry, I did what I could."

 

"Yeah, well 'Sorry' dose not cut it." Delan angrily said pacing back and forth. "Half the colony's is gone, and it's because neither You or Alenko  
didn't do enough to prevent this from happening!"

 

"Look here." Garrus interjected. "This is Commander Seidra Ilona Shepard you're talking to. I'm not so sure about what Staff Commander Alenko  
Has been doing. But Shepard herself has done more then most. All you ever did was hide in that damn bunker like a coward."

 

"Have it agree with that." Mordin said.

The mechanic turned to the small group, He mouth barely opened. 

 

"Wait. Seidra Shepard, The Seidra Shepard?" 

 

"That would be me." Seidra answered. "Who else?"

 

"Sure I know your name, I know your name anywhere." Delan said folding his arms. "You're some type of big Alliance hero."

 

Then out of the blue, Kaidan Alenko came walking over to the small group.

"Commander Seidra Shepard. Captain of the Normandy..." Kaidan Alenko said. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel."

 

_'Oh..... Shit.....'_ Seidra thought. _'Where did he com from?'_

As Seidra saw him walking towards them, She felt fear and dread in her heart. She wanted to run and take her team with her  
back to the Normandy. 

But she stood there, deciding to do whatever she can to explain what happened, and how she came back.

 

"You're in the presence of a legend, Delan." Kaidan said. "And a ghost."

 

Delan then look at Alenko, and then shook his head in anger and disgust.

 

"And all the good people we lost and it figures that you were left behind." He said. "You know what? Fuck this, I'm done with you and  
those Alliance types."

 

As the mechanic walked away, Kaidan closed the distance between himself and Seidra. and then looked at her with a smile on his face.

 

"I thought you were dead, Seid." Kaidan said softly. "We all did..."

 

Seidra responded to the hug, but she knew something wasn't right.

 

Then as the hug ended, she saw the smile was gone and was replaced with a slight frown.

She knew that he was angry about something... About seeing her again.

 

"You seem angry..." She said trying to hide her fear. "Something bothering you, Kaidan?"

 

"Of course something's bothering me." He answered and a hint of anger in his voice. "As you should know I spent the past fuckin'  
two years of my life mourning you, believing you were dead!"

"But I-"

 

"And now all of a sudden, you show up and just act like nothing really happened. I thought we had something Seidra, Something real..  
I... I loved you. I really did. and thinking you were dead tore me apart."

 

"I didn't mean for-"

 

"Damn it! How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me or find me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

 

Then suddenly, Seidra started feel her heart breaking knowing that this encounter wasn't going to end well..  
She did not want Kaidan to know that she was alive, She knew he had moved on after her death so it would be best to stay dead to him.

 

But somehow he managed to find her.

 

And she knew she would have to explain what happened....

She looked at him.

 

"I'm sorry, Kaidan." She sighed. "I didn't want to hurt you, I was clinically dead. And It took two years to bring me back.  
So much time has passed. And the last thing I ever wanted was to reopen old wounds. Because I know you had moved on..."

 

"I did move on. At least, I thought I did." The staff commander replied. "But now we've got reports about not only you being  
alive and working for. Cerberus."

 

"Wait. What Reports?"Seidra asked, stunned and horrified. "W-What are you talking about?"

 

"Alliance intel thought that Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies." He said. "They got a tip this colony might be  
the next one to get hit. 

There were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy, Whenever I ask Anderson about it he would  
stonewall me and often a change subject."

 

"So that's why you're here on Horizon besides helping to fix the defense towers," Seidra replied. "You were investigating me...."

 

"I was here investigating Cerberus." Alenko responded. "You however were just a rumor. I wanted to believe the rumors that you  
were alive, but I never expected anything like this."

"It's not what-"

 

"You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

 

"No! It's not true Kaidan," Seidra pleaded. feeling the painful, sorrowful, throbbing within her heart as it was beating faster from  
underneath the chest plate of her armor.

 

She did not want to work with Cerberus. Hell she never wanted anything to do with that god-forsaken pro-human terrorist organization.

 

"You know me." She said. "You know I never wanted to work with Cerberus, not after what they did to Admiral Kahoku and his marines,  
and what they did to Toombs. 

 

But please understand that I'm only do this for the right reason, and it's because the Collectors are targeting and kidnapping  
human colonies and they're working with the Reapers, But that doesn't mean I answer to them.."

 

"I want to believe you, Commander."Alenko replied. "But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of the  
Reapers and Collectors to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?"

 

"Dammit Alenko!" Garrus interjected. "Stop being such an ass about Cerberus! You know well that Seidra is telling the truth.  
There is much more bigger threat to this galaxy then that terrorists group."

 

The staff commander turned to glare at the turian. 

 

"You shut the hell up Garrus," He said coldly. "And stay out of this."

 

"Kaidan please," The former commander said. "Don't let how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts."

 

"You wanna know how I feel?"Alenko responded. "I feel that I don't even know who you are anymore, that you're not the woman I remember."

Seidra felt his icy cold words stab into her heart. She tried her best to remain strong, no matter what he threw at her,  
and keep herself from breaking down to tears.

 

"You wanna know how I feel Alenko?" Garrus stepped in to her defence. "I feel that you're-"

 

"Garrus please!" Seidra objected. then she turn her focus back to her former lover.

 

"Kaidan please," She pleaded. "You're not thinking straight, you're letting how you feel about me working with Cerberus cloud your judgement."

 

"Maybe...."Alenko shook his head, He wanted to believe the Seidra was doing the right thing, but deep down, he felt that she wasn't  
the woman he had loved.

 

"Or Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. maybe you believe that you owe it to Cerberus because they saved you and That they  
wanted you to believe they want the same thing as you do. 

You've changed Commander."

 

"Kaidan I.." She uttered. But she knew deep down there's no sense to continue trying to reason with him, to get him to understand  
that she was still loyal to him despite her alliance with Cerberus.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I didn't want to hurt you.... I didn't mean to hurt you...."

 

"Well it doesn't matter what you have to say, not anymore," Kaidan said coldly. "I know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance solider.  
And I'll Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

 

As Seidra helplessly watched The staff commander turning away from her and walking away, She felt her heart sink deep into her stomach.

She desperately wanted to go after him, to tell him that she still loved him, to plead him to come back with her to the Normandy and  
work together just like good old times and to help put an end to the Collector threat. 

And to be together again.

But she knew He would reject her offer. and there was no sense in trying to fix their shattered relationship.

So she refrained and allowed him to leave her....

 

"Everything is so fucked up right now......." She muttered sadly "Joker -- send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony."

"Aye, Aye Ma'am.." Joker replied.

Seidra stood there with her back turned to Garrus and Mordin, refusing to let them see her weakness as she struggled to remain strong  
and keep from breaking down into crying despite what happened.

The heart in her chest throbbed painfully even so then before, and it was that very day she had lost a man she loved so dearly......

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**_Shepard's Cabin. Normandy SR-2,Thursday, January, 13th 2185, 1:26 PM._ **

 

It was the most fucked-up day of her life.

Seidra had walked into her quarters, trying to hold it together, yet the tears keep slipping from her green eyes  
and her own heart was throbbing with so much pain.

She hadn't talked to anyone or about what really happened on Horizon.....

 

Nor did she want to talk aabout what happened between her and the man she loved, Kaidan Alenko.

 

She did not want to face him. She was terrorfied of seeing him after spending two years dead.

 

When she woke up in the Lazarus cell she found herself in an unwanted ordeal when she was told by Jacob Taylor that she was brought  
back from the dead by the human-survivalist paramilitary group known as Cerberus.

 

She was very scared of the situation and wanted nothing to do with Cerberus.

 

Since she was dead for to years, she felt that she could not face the people she known decided it's best to just stay dead to them.

 

Seidra tried to hide the fact the she was working Cerberus but the Council already knew about, though they reinstated her as a Spectre.  
Afterwards she asked David Anderson to never tell Kaidan Alenko she was here on the Citadel.

 

She kept on replaying in her head the events on Horizon in which her very encounter with Kaidan that had left her so heartbroken.

 

Just after changing out of her green armor and in her uniform, she sat down quietly on the sofa and poured herself a glass of  
brandy and slowly sipped it. Tasting it's strong alcoholic flavor.

 

Seidra laid back on the sofa. she was so hurt and miserable about what happened.

After finishing her first glass, the heartbroken commander poured her self another one and started to feel lightheaded.

 

This would not be the first time she ever been intoxicated.

When she lost family and her home during the attack on Mindoir, Seidra would be alone in her makeshift home in New York city,  
Just heavily drinking while laying on a small dirty old mattress, trying to overcome her own grief over losing everything and everyone  
so dear to her

But then Shepard enrolled into the Alliance military school, she had to quit drinking and become sober. 

It was during her years with the Alliance, Seidra managed to resist and avoid alcohol, despite what temptations she faced and  
the shit that life itself had thrown at her.

 

And now, She was no longer with the Alliance.

Just a week ago, She shared a Serrice Ice Brandy with the Normandy's chief medical officer, Dr. Karin Chakwas.

 

However, what happened between her and Kaidan on Horizon was very painful and heartbreaking..

She remembered Kaidan saying that he heard rumors that she was alive and working with Cerberus. And sadly it was confirmed  
when they encountered each other on Horizon

 

And it was perhaps because of that bastard Illusive Man that she lost the man she ever loved.

 

Seidra swore that she will confront him about it and she swore to leave Cerberus after the Collectors were dealt with.

 

"Shepard, The Illusive Man wishes to speak with You." Edi informed.

 

Seidra frowned not looking at the blue orb AI. She was not in the mood to be talking with that S.O.B. of the Illusive Man right now.

As a matter of fact, She even hated that son of a bitch as of now, and wanted nothing more then to hunt him down, confront him,  
give him a bloody and mercilessly beating of his life and then putting a bullet through his head without any hesitation or any feeling of remorse.

This would be her way to prove to Kaidan and everyone else that she never would show any loyalty to that fuckin' terrorist organization.

 

She knew he had done something extremely unforgivable to hurt her relationship with Kaidan, and At the moment was very  
angry at him for that.

"Tell him he can wait." She replied with drunkenness and bitterness in her voice. "I'm a very busy dealing with a lot paperwork right now."

 

"But Shepard-'

 

"I said He can wait!"

 

"Very Well Shepard." Edi said.

 

Seidra then continued on her heavy drinking.

 

_'When I'm done with dealing with the Collectors,'_ She thought. _'I'm going to kill that fuckin' sorry-ass bastard and feed his dead body  
to the Varens."_

 

As Seidra was drinking glass after glass of the brandy, the effects of the alcohol were becoming stronger and overwhelming to the point  
where it felt to her as though the whole room she was sitting in was spinning out of control.

 

Then about an hour later, She finishing the last glass of brandy, she felt she needed to go lay down, so she got off the sofa and drunkenly staggered  
over to the bed.

After slowly collapsing on the bed, The drunk commander laid there for about ten minutes, heavily breathing with tears streaming from  
her eyes and quietly passed out.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Few hours later.......

Seidra awoke from her alcohol-induced coma. (or at least what she would call it) with some grogginess and a nasty hangover. and rolled  
onto her back, rubbing her eyes to rid them of the tiredness.

She laid there on her bed for a few moments thinking about the events on Horizon and the loss of her loving relationship with Kaidan. 

The commander then allowed herself break down to tears.

 

She had a cried for almost fifteen minutes before slowly getting up from bed and going to the bathroom. At the sink, she splashed herself  
with cold water and dried her face with a towel.

 

Seidra looked in the mirror and saw the tired and bloodshot eyes of hers. then shook her head.

 

_'No.'_ She thought to herself. _'I'm not going to dwell on my own self-pity, or anger at the Illusive Man, there are a lot of people who need my  
help and the galaxy is at stake here....'_

No doubt even more at stake then her own broken heart.

 

Seidra left the bathroom, and She saw Kaidan's photo standing on her desk.

She looked closer at it and understood that she could not change what had happened, and she must keep her focus on the mission itself.

She would never have asked her former lover to betray the Alliance and last thing she ever wanted was to drag him down. It was hardest decision  
in her life, but it was for the best that she let him go his own way. 

So she turned the photo face down, and left her cabin for have a Talk with the Illusive Man.


End file.
